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Gumshoe

[Konoki]Saizetsu, Wystar[Academy Student]

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Name: Saizetsu, Wystar

 

Age: 11

 

Gender: Female

 

Height: 150cm; 4'11

 

Weight: 47kg; 103lbs

 

Appearance:

bombardier0.png

Hair: Long, silver.

Skin: Pale.

Body: Petite.

Eyes: Left eye green, Right eye wearing a black eyepatch.

Clothes: Wystar wears a pale green shirt with long sleeves and forest green piping. She keeps it tucked neatly into pants of the same color, but which are made from a thicker material, and shows signs of wear, as well as patches at the knees. Her pants tuck into a pair of brown combat boots that lace from the ankle up.

Around her waist is a solid green leather belt with a metal buckle consisting of a red field with a white rectangle at its center. On her hands are two-tone green gloves, a pale color like the rest of her clothing at her fingers, and a more solid green over the rest of her hand. Finally there is her dull gray overcoat with plenty of inside hooks and pockets to store weapons and other items.

 

Rank: Academy Student

 

Village: Konoki

 

Clan/Organization: Saizetsu

 

Language: Konoi (Fluent); Common (Accented)

 

Main/Favored Weapon: Knives and projectiles

 

Side Arms:

Corvo (knife) [1]

Shuriken [10]

Throwing knives [10]

Kunai [5]

Explosive tags [5]

Wire [10m]

 

Element: Raiton

 

Specializations:

- Wystar us able to wield small blades with great proficiency and cunning. When fighting with knives, kunai, daggers, etc. her movements become very fluid in close-combat.

-

 

Strengths:

- Accuracy

- Reflexes

-Chakra Control

 

Shortcomings:

-

-

 

Weaknesses:

-Chakra Pool

-Short peripheral vision/Missing right eye.

-Poor Hearing/Sound is slightly distorted passing through EM field (clan weakness)

 

Jutsu:

Bunshin no Jutsu [Clone Technique]

Henge no Jutsu [Transformation Technique]

Kawarimi no Jutsu [body Switch Technique]

Sougu: Tsuudan [Tool Manipulation: Piercing Bullet]

 

Background: From the beginning, Wystar's life never belonged to her. Drowning in debt, her rounin father sold her and her mother to the -you don't need to know- clan when she was still very young. At this time, there was a small clan war, and Wystar, her mother, and many others were kept in captivity until they could be used as weapons or shields.

One dark day, Wystar and her mother were sent into enemy territory with exploding tags pinned to their clothes. Before the explosives could be set off, the feud was interrupted by a third party. Demons attacked both sides indiscriminately, creating a situation where it was every man for themselves.

Wystar escaped, and later found her mother after they'd been split up. Her mother had been possessed, however, and tried to devour her daughter, but it was also in that moment the little girl learned how to kill, using a discarded kunai.

 

Later that year, Wystar was able to locate her father, but deadbeat dad was unwilling to care for a child by himself. He sent her off to seek out the Saizetsu, the family he had not seen since before Wystar was born out of shame for who he had become. Though her journey was a success, Wystar came to the conclusion that she had nothing to offer the clan, so she decided to enlist in the academy where she could further develop the innate abilities of her bloodline.

 

/background

 

Sample Post:

 

Wystar looked into the puffy, bulging eyes of what used to be her mother.

No, it still was.

She was somewhere inside there, right?

What used to be kind green eyes that made a child think of a bright field in the spring were now moist with puss, and looked ready to pop out of the woman's skull with their yellow sclera and red pupils looking in opposite directions.

But as frightening as it was, Wystar refused to avert he gaze. In the eyes of the child, this was the strongest woman in the world. She would never succumb to whatever lowly fiend had tried to take possession of her body. And she would never hurt her kin. Her daughter.

 

"Because we're best friends, aren't we mom?" Little Wystar asked, reaching her hand out to her mother so she could be helped up. She had fallen into the mud. Just a slip, though. Her mother couldn't have knocked her over...

The creature standing over her managed to close its eyelids over the inflated eyeballs and nod its head, even as it took Wystar's hand and slowly brought it to the rows of sharpened yellow teeth in its pasty white face.

"Mom.."

Wystar continued trying to reason, but even with an expression showing pain, the creature bit down on Wystar's wrist.

The little girl remained staring hopefully, though. The pain hadn't yet registered. She still believed that what was already taking place could somehow be avoided.

"Mom!" she shouted, getting the thing's attention. It's eyes popped open, and it looked at Wystar, then reached a hand out to touch her face. Wystar allowed this, hoping it would help her mother to recognize her, but after just barely touching her cheek, the demon suddenly flicked its wrist, and an elongated finger plucked Wystar's eye right from the socket.

Unable to ignore this pain, Wystar let out a blood curdling scream. She turned her head away and shut her remaining eye. Tears streamed from it, while blood and liquids foreign to her oozed out of the wound next to it. Panicking, she began to feel around the ground for something, anything that could save her.

My mother would never hurt me like this. Never! You're not my mother!

Wystar's hand met something cold, solid, and pointed. She gripped its rounded end and threw her hand at the one who had hurt her. It was an eye for an eye as far as her subconscious was concerned, and the kunai she'd found was driven straight through the demon's eye, far enough to meet her mother's corrupted brain. As the demon squealed in pain, instinct guided Wystar to twist the kunai, worsening the damage, and eventually ending both her mother and the parasite's life.

 

After she pushed the body off her and stumbled away, wounded and shaken, Wystar realized she had attained freedom, but with a heavy sacrifice.

 

 

 

 

 

Previous RPC Profile: None

Edited by Gumshoe

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It's a pleasure to welcome you to TNF! Please enjoy your stay. ^^

 

You're off to an excellent start. There were two things that caught my eye.

 

Could you include your character's height and weight in pounds and feet in addition to what you already have, please? That'd be appreciated.

 

Don't forget to add accents to your language. You'll likely want it to look something like this: Konoi (Fluent); Common (Accented). How thick you want Wystar's Konoi accent to be as she's speaking Common is completely up to you.

 

Other than that and the fact that you'll need the Saizetsu Clan leader to swing by here to drop permission for you to be in the clan, you're doing well. ^^ Good luck!

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Oh thank you ^^

 

Now I think I fixed the things you said. Artemis already told me I could be in the clan but I sent him another message to ask him to swing by. Does that mean my backgrounf is ok? Someone told me it might not get accepted but they didn't tell me why yet.

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Well aside from needing consent to have the Ronin accept that action its a bit strong *shrugs* you could make it sound less slave trade that might make people uncomfortable but I don't think its that bad but the clans might not be able to make such an act happen or if they ever even had a clan war

 

The staff really don't like such dark stories but I think that's just canon copy stories, like I said *shrugs* they really don't like kids living on their own it can end with them alone then becoming shinobi but being alone with no family is sometimes frowned on

 

But as for the rest of your profile 20 shuriken maybe too much for a Student try and lessen that number some and if a category is optional it might be best to remove it unless you plan to add to it later, and if you could add more to your appearance description that would be good and don't forget your Student basic techniques and slots

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What do you mean 'consent to have the Ronin accept that action'? Which action? And from who? And sorry about the dark story. I wanted to write something interesting and most of that stuff came to me in a dream so I used it. I don't think it copies any canon. She's also not on her own because she joined the rest of the Saizetsu clan.

 

Could you help me with the appearance? I don't know what else to put in.

 

Oh and is 10 shuriken ok? I changed it to that. And what do you mean by my student basic techniques and slots?

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Drowning in debt, her ronin father sold her and her mother to the -you don't need to know- clan when she was still very young.[/Quote]

 

That oh wait is Ronin a clan or title, but no it is very interesting I actually like it someone with a troubled past that I haven't read before very nice and if you can get the mods to be okay with it then all applause to you so until then you have my vote I hope you get to keep it

 

Well lets see why not describe some special features like accessories or describe her clothes in more details and one thing I just saw you need to say where your side arms are like in a pouch and things like where that pouch is or maybe a bag

 

That would be great starting number and as for your techniques an Academy Student gets these five things:

Academy Student >> 2 Jutsu: [2 E/D]

 

Bunshin no Jutsu [Clone Technique]

Rank: E (Basic)

Requirements: None.

Description: This technique must be mastered by any ninja who has graduated from the shinobi academy. It's the most basic technique a Genin must know, since it can be a real lifesaver. This ninjutsu creates a simple illusion clone identical to the caster. The clone however has no physical properties and will disperse the moment it is touched.

* Special Notes *

- Bunshin aren't solid. They can't hold/touch anything, which also means, they don't leave foot prints.

- Bunshin dispel on one hit.

- Bunshin can not be used to transfer knowledge; you're thinking of a Kage Bunshin.

- Bunshin can't perform any jutsu. Nor are their weapons real.

- Bunshin produce no sound.

- Bunshin have shadows.

- A maximum of 10 Bunshin can be created at one time.

 

Henge no Jutsu [Transformation Technique]

Rank: E (Basic)

Requirements: None.

Description: Henge is the basic skill a ninja must know to become a Genin. It's mostly used as a decoy, to confuse the opponent by transforming into somebody that's an ally with the enemy, and then attack from the back when he's not expecting it. This technique can easily be combined with other jutsu for a more powerful effect, such as with Kage Bunshin no Jutsu [shadow Clone Technique].

* Special Notes *

- The user maintains their weight

- The user can henge into something 1/2 of their size as a minimum.

- The user can henge into something 1 1/2 times bigger then him/her as a maximum.

- Henge is merely an illusion, not an actual shape shifting.

 

Kawarimi no Jutsu [body Switch Technique]

Rank: E (Basic)

Requirements: None.

Description: Kawarimi is a widely used and very famous skill among shinobi. The user taps into their chakra and exchanges places with an object of similar weight and size. This is clearly an evasion technique used to dodge attacks; however it can be linked with other jutsu or attacks to create massive damage if done properly.

* Special Notes *

- Can be performed midair but must be relatively close to the ground.

- Can not be used to escape a A/S rank jutsu in Tai/Nin.

- Can only be used up to 3 times in one thread.

- Can not be used against any Genjutsu.

- Replacements must be nearby and of roughly equal size and weight.

- You may only switch with another RPC /IF/ you have permission to do so.[/Quote]

Edited by Itamimaru

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oooook I think I confused you. I meant ronin from a social standpoint, and not the Ronin clan like in your sig. I changed the spelling for you. And ok I added those jutsu too. I thought I had to get those in the rp. I'll now see if I can put more in the appearance.

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*facepalm flurry*

 

Well now that I embarrassed myself lets move on XP no those three basics you get automatically its the next four Genin basics that you train for before you get them and as for the slots you get those for free when you reach the required rank

 

Academy Student >> 2 Jutsu: [2 E/D]

Genin >> 8 Jutsu: [4 E/D + 3 C + 1 B]

Chuunin >> 16 Jutsu: [5 E/D + 5 C + 5 B + 1 A]

Jounin >> 25 Jutsu: [6 E/D + 7 C + 7 B + 4 A + 1 S]

Elite Jounin >> 32 Jutsu: [7 E/D + 7 C + 7 B + 7 A + 4 S]

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No it's ok. I can see why it was confusing ^^

 

Now I put my back into the appearance to make it more like the way you did Itami's. For her clothes anyway... I think I can expand the rest if you want me to. I also removed the rest of the optional categories.

 

I'm just confused on the jutsu thing now. What you have there says Academy Students get 2 jutsu but you gave me 3?

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Make your appearance how you want just make sure you do the work to make it look good otherwise people will think you didn't try very hard it use to be a huge deal back when I was starting but now a days its not so bad

 

Students get 2 slots for techniques but you also get 3 basics they don't cost you any slots, some cost you slots out of your grand total but others like the 7 basics in all cost you nothing they are free

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ok so I looked through the jutsu guides but I can't decide which one I want for my second slot. Can I leave it for later?

 

I also just have one more question. How much wire can an Academy Student have?

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Yeah I'm pretty sure you can you'll just have to request the staff to add the second one in for you

 

Hm a good bit actually its not like separate items its all one item, I'd guess at least 10 meters you could probably have more I don't think there is hard number on how much just nothing ridiculous like more than 50 feet

 

Another thing I'm questioning is your specialty it seems highly broad covering more than just one trait, you could just have a weapon skill with using it but adding stealth in there is like having two traits although I think having it on multiple items is fine it just makes it even stronger but like I said, questioning so I'm going to recheck but I really don't think its a big problem

 

And your Chakra Reserves might be best typed out as Chakra Pool *shrugs*

Edited by Itamimaru

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I just took 10m for wire. And the stealth thing for her specialty is supposed to be part of weapon skill. The part where you're good at concealing your weapons.

 

Oh and I changed Reserves to Pool.

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Okay sounds good just know it might be something big because as of now you've got general weaknesses due to the unbalance of your traits so the rest of your unlisted traits would be at about below average potency, and if I'm wrong and that weapon skill is more potent than I think it might keep it unbalance just have another person check behind me on that otherwise you look good to go just get Artemis to give his approval and you're ready for a stamp XD

 

*thumbs up*

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Welcome to the Ninja Forum. My name is Zac and I will be your waiter for today.

 

Now before you order anything, let me tell you that some fixes need to be made.

 

1. You need permission to be in the Saizetsu Clan. More specifically, someone who owns that clan needs to post their consent here in this app. You can tell them via PM or any other message-like devices to contact them. :P

 

2. Since you are just an Academy Student, one does not need a Fighting Style yet. You may delete that part from your app. The reason we do this is because you have a chance to grow your character into what it should be or what it can be via your interactions with other people, or if you just want to change your mind and 'revamp' her. Once you are a genin, you are required to have a fighting type. :P

 

3. Adding stealth into your specialization makes it two specialties basically. You may want to just take that part out. You can still retrieve your weapons without it affecting combat in anyway. You can also just turn that into a strength and that would work also. Although you can just mention in more detail how that stealth helps you.

 

4. Jutsu. As an Academy Student, you can have two additional jutsu to complement the three Basic Academy jutsu. You already have Sougu: Tsuudan [Tool Manipulation: Piercing Bullet], so I recommend filling the second slot with something useful, like perhaps Souharigane no Jutsu [Wire Manipulation Technique]. It is a wire-based jutsu that has several uses that may complement your knives. Though you can just leave it empty.

 

5. Last but not least, because your Sample post is so long, we recommend 'spoiler'ing the whole post. To do so, put [ spoiler ] at the beginning of the post and [ /spoiler ] at the end of it. This creates a short thingymajiger that you can open by clicking 'Show'. I'll give you an example.

 

 

Your message is in here.

 

 

Once you finish said fixes, I can complete your order and give you what you need.

 

.. Would you like fries with that?

 

I know you liked my post. It was very well thoughtout just for you ;]

 

Hope to see you soon in the forum Gummy. :)

Edited by ZacDesu

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1. Artemis already said I could join and I sent him a message on friday to say so here but I guess he hasn't been online yet.

 

2. Deleted the category.

 

3. I took out the stealth part.

 

4. I'm going to leave that slot empty for now but thanks for the suggestion.

 

5. I 'spoiler'ed it.

 

No fries but I'll take a stamp if you can give it ^^

 

Thank you!

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You have general weaknesses here because of your lack of shortcoming. -nodsnods-

 

Giving this 24 hours for objections ^^

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Hey, hey! You stole my customer, you!

 

I see no problems with it now that you fixed it, so bleh.

 

All you have to do is wait 24 hours or more, (since it usually takes more than 24 hours than what they say) for the app to be accepted. But good for you! You are well on your way to RPing with everyone :P

 

Hope to see you in the world soon :P

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I know the mods already said this was okay, but I wanted to redirect them to some of the rules on the profile. I honestly feel everything is alright except for one nit-pick that comes to the profile, and I'd like to quote someone that posted in my character profile thread (who was an AS that had a bomb over-specilization and explosives as his main weapon that came from an explosive based clan.)

 

An Academy Student may have no more than 5 Explosive Tags,

 

But since you think that those are two high of numbers for the overspecialization, I've decreased them down to a total of 8 tags.

 

Fair enough. Having twice the number of tags was too much even for that, but I'm fine with the current numbers.

 

Sorry, just wanted to post this considering I barely got away with 8 Explosive tags, and that is using an over-specilization that says my character focuses heavily on bombs, and comes from an explosive based clan (and the character designed to be completely useless in a fight without an explosive tag to use in a fight.)

 

Yeah, other then that, I see nothing wrong with this profile, good job. ^_^

*Calls dibs with roleplaying with her first!!!* (lol, jk =P)

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One small nitpick:

Clan/Organization: Saizetsu

If you could turn "Saizetsu" into a link to the clan's main page, that would be appreciated.

 

I suppose I won't hound you for the customary nod from the clan owner since it seems you've already tried to take care of that lol

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Hmm..

 

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. It looks as though enkou was going to do the same.

 

Approved.

 

-Don't forget to post in the registries.

-RP responsibly

-And most of all, have fun~!

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