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Syclon3

[AS] Tatsui, Taka [Rikuhi]

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Name: Tatsui, Taka

 

Nickname: Tak

 

Age: 10

 

Gender: Male

 

Height: 4ft 6in

 

Weight: 87 pounds

 

Appearance:

Taka has the body of a normal 10 year old boy, lean with slight muscles but with rougher skin than normal.

 

He has short, brown hair, long enough to cover his ears but not get in the way of his eyes.

He also have his father’s hazel-nut, brown eyes, always shining with hope of a young boy with his mind full of dreams and a smile to go with it. Obvious since he is born and raised in Rikuhi, Taka got tanned skin.

For clothing apparel he got a dark green flak jacket similar to that of a shunin and a pair a beige shorts that are too large for such a young person so they reach halfway down his ankles. Holding up these gargantuan shorts are a black leather belt, on the right side of the belt are a regular leather pouch full of lead pellets and on the left side are a medium sized wooden box holding two larger lead balls.

 

Rank: Academy Student

 

Village: Rikuhi

 

Language: Fluent Rikuhuu, accented common

 

Main/Favored Weapon: A pair of blacksmithing hammers that are double flat-headed, iron head, wooden handle, 12 inches long and weighing 2,5 pounds each, there is a space of 6 inches between the flat surfaces of the hammers and the metal cylinder/face of the hammers have a diameter of 2,5 inches. The head itself is dark grey while the wooden handle is brown.

Hammer.jpg

 

 

Side Arms:

- 5x Explosive tags

- Bag of 15x lead pellets size 2cm in diameter

- 2x lead pellets the size of a tennis ball placed inside a box attached to the belt

- 1x blood pill and 1x soldier pill inside a box placed in the chest pocket of my vest

 

Element: Sunaton/sand

 

Specializations:

- Strength, as a working boy helping his father in the blacksmith, Taka’s muscles has been forged into something above the average.

 

Strengths:

- Agile

- Endurance

- Stamina

 

Weakness:

- Low chakra pool

 

Jutsu:

Basics

- Bunshin no Jutsu

- Henge no Jutsu

- Kawarimi no Jutsu

 

E-Rank Jutsus

-Ikemono Benkou [Animal speech] (abillity to speak with platypus)

 

D-Rank Jutsus

- Tekikaku Tounyuu [Precise Throw]

 

Background:

 

As a child born into an average family, Taka was the third and youngest of the three siblings. He had a brother, Tai that is 11 years older than him and a sister, Hikari that is 5 years older.

His father, Hitame, was a blacksmith while his mother, Kuna, worked as an apothecary. Kuna wanted Hikari to help others just like her mother and grandmother. Hitame just wanted to keep the smith in the family, even when he was long gone.

But during their growing all of the siblings started their own lives outside the family, before Taka, Tai was helping their father in the smith, doing the easier things while learning by watching their father work. Their sister, Hikari went the same path their mother went, but instead of an apothecary, she wanted to help people by studying to become a doctor. Tai, went to become a trader, influenced by the traders that their father worked with but Taka, he wanted something else.

 

Taka lived the life of any normal boy, playing with friends, living careless and never regret anything but when he got 8 years old things started to change.

Taka had to start helping out his father in the smith, learning the way of a metalworker. He didn’t mind, sure he didn’t get to play with his friends as much but he got to help his father and felt proud of the work he did. Taka mostly helped with the easier things, fetching coal, watching over the refining process of the ore, running errands and delivering letters but sometimes he gets to try forging simple stuff, knives etc.

 

One day when he was running an errand to a merchant, Taka happened to pass by the ninja training ground, he has never really seen a ninja in action and got fascinated by their strength, speed and different techniques, after watching for a few minutes he gets going.

Lying in bed later that night he still thought about those people, with their extraordinary skills..

 

The next day he woke up extra early to be able to watch them again before having to work in the smith again.

Sitting outside the fence of the training ground, watching the students in training, throwing shurikens and kunais with extreme aim, gets Taka all fired up.

An idea comes to his mind and he decides to run home. Taking the back alley was much faster than going the main streets so it was the obvious choice in the pumped up mind of an eight year old.

While running through the alley he heard a voice behind him yelling “Hey kid!”, he turned around but saw no one “Hmm, that was weird” but he didn’t think more about it, but when he turned around he walked into a man.

“Well, well, well.. The early bird gets the easy worm, right?” the man said

“Wha-wha-what?” Taka stumbled as a reply.

“Well you see, I’ve had a real hankering to beat someone up recently, and you don’t look like you would punch back.”

Of course he wouldn’t Taka had never been in a fight before and facing a grown up?!

“Daaaamn, this must be the worst day of my life” These words echoed in his mind while it felt like his heart sunk down to his feet, while his legs were shaking like leaves in the wind.

Another voice was heard, “Hey, I can’t let you beat down my number one fan..”.

“This is the same voice from before.” Taka thought and turned his head against the source of these words. When his head were turned halfway a swooshing sound were heard and a black shadow dashed past him, inches from his face and sent the thug flying through the air with a quick upwards kick in the solar plexus. The thug flew and landed on a pile of barrels, breaking a few and knocking them over.

The man that had shouted to Taka before he ran into the valley looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Now hurry home, before his friends see you.

He did not have to say that twice, nobody in the village had ever seen a kid run that fast in a long time. The moment he came home, Taka breathed out and decided. “I am gonna become a ninja.”

 

 

Sample Post:

 

“It’s a great day to be up early!” Taka told himself smiling like always. He stood at the porch of his house, in his right hand he carried a dark grey- iron slingshot with a yellow rubber band. The sky was blue, hinting orange towards the horizon, where the sun dawned. A couple of cumulus clouds were spotted in the Far East. While heading outwards the village gate, Tai (Taka’s older brother) walked up to him.

“So, father told me you wanted to become a ninja.” Tai said and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“Haha, yeah! I’m gonna go practice my aim right now if you want to join and watch” Taka replied with a huge smile. Tai chuckled a bit,”No, I have work now you know, I can’t just leave”

“Ah well, cya later bro!” Taka yelled while running out of the village.

Edited by Syclon3

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Hai ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ !

Welcome to TNF. You've done a fair job on your first character - I just want to point out a few things.

 

AS your weaknesses and your strengths aren't balanced - your character will have "General Weaknesses", which means, he will be weaker in skills that aren't listed on your profile. If you don't want that, you can balance your strengths to weaknesses by removing a strength or adding a couple of weaknesses. If you are fine with General Weaknesses feel free to leave it as is!

 

Your background is an interesting story, though, as a writer, its style changes into a narrative. I would personally suggest rewritting the background so that it is told as a history instead of a story - the reason I suggest this is that as your character gets older here on TNF, yo uwill create more history and It could be difficult to find a way to write down that history after your narrative in your background.

 

~ But don't let that get you down!

 

Once again! Welcome! If you need any help feel free to send me a private message. And if you are feeling brave enough, drop on by the chat thread - [link]

- and say hello!

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Welcome to The Ninja Forum :) Glad to have you.

 

If you can't read Missy Moka's writing, just open up this spoiler.

 

Hai ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ !

Welcome to TNF. You've done a fair job on your first character - I just want to point out a few things.

 

AS your weaknesses and your strengths aren't balanced - your character will have "General Weaknesses", which means, he will be weaker in skills that aren't listed on your profile. If you don't want that, you can balance your strengths to weaknesses by removing a strength or adding a couple of weaknesses. If you are fine with General Weaknesses feel free to leave it as is!

 

Your background is an interesting story, though, as a writer, its style changes into a narrative. I would personally suggest rewritting the background so that it is told as a history instead of a story - the reason I suggest this is that as your character gets older here on TNF, yo uwill create more history and It could be difficult to find a way to write down that history after your narrative in your background.

 

~ But don't let that get you down!

 

Once again! Welcome! If you need any help feel free to send me a private message. And if you are feeling brave enough, drop on by the chat thread - [link]

- and say hello!

 

 

Now you have a few errors here and there but I will only concentrate on the main ones :P

 

First one is that your picture is not working properly. Use this link I will post below instead of the one you used.

http://www.andreas.blicher.info/images/Hammer.jpg

 

I don't really mind your lead balls being thrown at people's eyeballs and what not, but is it possible to lower the amount of balls from 20 to like 15? They seem pretty dangerous if they get hit by them, especially when coupled by your taijutsu skill.

 

Final thing, which isn't really a problem, but is it possible to spoiler your Background text? It is longer than the rest of your text combined. In order to spoiler stuff put the [ spoiler ] around the text, like so. [ /spoiler ]

 

Other than that though, your profile is looking rather nice :) Your Grammar/Punctuation could get better, but that will improve as you continue staying here. Hope you have fun Syclon3.

 

If you have any questions, please feel free to reply back here or message me via Private Message. :)

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Oh, I could read it, haven't had time to do anything yet though, will get working on it later today ^^

Also, thanks for the feedback :D

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Mhmm, once you make your corrections and edits, I am willing to put my 33% Power in effect.

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Oh my, a Platypus? :o

I don't think TNF has had one of those yet, awesome.

 

At any rate....

 

ACCEPTED :D

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