Jump to content
The Ninja Forum
Sign in to follow this  
Raiten

[Genin] Smunsou, Weyog [Konoki]

Recommended Posts

Name: Weyog Smunsou

Nickname:The Komodo

 

Age: 16

 

Gender: Male

 

Height: 6'1"

 

Weight: 160 lbs

 

Appearance:

Hair: Four inch long, black, curly and disheveled. It would have worked as a short crew cut, but he has not cut it for some time. Lacking a comb, it is somewhat matted.

 

Face: Somewhat bony features, with a chiseled look. Square jaw. Chin extends slightly further forward than his lips. His lips are thin, and he has slight overbite. His eyes, by a genetic mutation, have vertically slit pupils, but this is aesthetic and does not affect his vision. His scoleras are orange with many very thin black lines pointed toward the center of each eye, and he has no visible corneas. His wisdom teeth have come in with no complications, and his first molars are replaced by a second pair of canines. His tongue is bifurcated about three inches from the tip, and he has control of both ends.

 

Body: Fairly average build. His arms are a couple inches shorter than his height, and the majority of his height is in his legs. He has fairly good muscle tone, but not mass, as most of it is lean muscle. He has slouch lines on his abdomen. His fingernails and toenails are flush with his fingertips. He bites them to maintain that length.

 

Clothing: Wears a full-body suit (covers everything but hands, feet, and head) made of rainbow boa constrictor hide. It does not offer any armour, but the iridescent colors are pleasing to look at. The suit is fairly skin-tight and form fitting. Frequently wears a plain black cloak over that, as shiny snakeskin is not very sneaky. The cloak is made of wool. Also wears a necklace of teeth from the constrictors, a simple black string with twenty fangs tied to it.

 

Level/Rank: Genin

 

Village: Konoki

 

Language: Konoi [Fluent, but spoken with a lisp], Common [Enough to ask basic questions, but not to converse, heavy Konoi accent with a lisp]

 

Main/Favored Weapon: 2 Tekagi Shuko (One for each hand. Metal bands made of tungsten steel, held with cowhide. Each has eight small hooks, in two rows of four.)

000094_2801.jpg

 

Side Arms:

1 box cutter for utility.

4 band-aids

1 small tube of antibiotic ointment (Neosporin equivalent)

 

Element: None

 

Fighting Type: Taijutsu

 

Fighting Style: Does not frequently use jutsu. Prefers to sneak up to targets and grapple them from behind. He will attempt to bite the opponent wherever they are not armored and painfully rip flesh from them. If he can, he will go for the throat. He uses his tekagi shuko to hold himself close to his opponent, or to remove plates of armor from them if required.

 

Specialty

Physical Strength

 

Strengths

Flexible

Fast Learning (Mental)

Fast Running

 

Weaknesses

Throwing Accuracy

 

Jutsu:

Academy basics (Clone, Transformation, and Replacement)

Pusshu [Push]--D rank

Ashikubi Sui-pu [Ankle sweep]--D rank

Chou Oe no Ha [butterfly on the Leaves]--D rank

Taiga- Su-purakkusu [Tiger Suplex]--D rank

[thread=58304]Viper's Bite[/thread]--C rank (SA)

Unused slot--C rank

Koutei Fumitsukeru [school Yard Stomp]--C rank

Side step--B rank

 

Background:

Weyog had a somewhat privileged childhood, his parents able to purchase most of his reasonable desires. He did poorly in school, passing most of his classes with significant effort. He learned the material fairly quickly, but had difficulty with motivation and paperwork. He internalized his poor performance, logically blaming himself for not paying close enough attention to excel.

 

His brother tormented him at home, but not intentionally, as he suffered a number of psychiatric disorders affecting his ability to socialize. Logically, this makes Weyog a carrier, but those illnesses are not seen in him. During a fight with his brother, he bit hum on the arm, drawing blood. Due to a lack of antibiotics, the injury became severely infected, and Weyog's brother died two weeks later from sepsis (AKA blood poisoning).

 

He blames himself for his brother's death, regardless of the fact that he bit him in self defense. This problem was not helped by the fact that his parents ALSO blamed him, and at the age of 14 he was disowned. Finding no further options, he decided to apply to join the ninja academy and become a shinobi. He wished to get a bit of a head start by working out before applying. He used his considerable savings from allowance to procure supplies and more appropriate ninja garb than his tunic. He decided on a snake theme, which appealed to him. He also bifurcated his tongue to complete the theme, and because he figured it would look cool. He somewhat regrets having done it though. As a weapon, he selected a pair of utility climbing claws called Tekagi Shuko.

 

At the ninja academy, he had some issues learning the basic jutsu, and his lisp led him to be mocked by others. He learned hand-signs quickly enough, but had difficulty learning how to use chakra. After much significant effort, he barely managed to perform the basics and passed from the academy. He became depressed regardless, ruminating on his past failings and internalizing many insults from others. He has not had to fight seriously before.

Edited by Mishio
Adding SA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Abnormal volume of oral bacteria (Same normal strains, 20% more bacteria)[/Quote]

 

What type of benefit would this yield, and are there any notable differences from your saliva compared to normal saliva? Curious if yours would be thicker or colored differently. I also recommend changing the 20% to "contains much more bacteria" or expressing it with words.

 

Weak against cold [environs below 70 degrees cause him to become tired and slow, vulnerability to ice elemental jutsu increased][/Quote]

 

I recommend removing the number and rewording it to "Environments with low temperatures cause him to..." - much like I suggested with the 20%, this works out better for you and is more freeform that way.

 

---

 

Interesting character design. First time I think I've seen a Komodo-based one.

Edited by Zett

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Done and done. Thanks.

EDIT: I forgot to include why the bacteria was useful. Added now though.

Edited by Raiten

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Somebody pointed this out to me earlier, forgot to repost in here:

 

Abnormal volume of oral bacteria (Same normal strains, but contains much more bacteria. No visible difference, due to their microscopic size. Increases likelihood of bites becoming infected.)[/Quote]

 

The reason that Komodo dragons have this ability is because their mouth is basically rotting, with chunks of fleshed wedged between their gums, a foul odor, and the like. If this is going to be listed on the profile, it should also include a similar drawback (cause and effect; this needs to have a reason for the bacteria being like that).

 

Honestly though, I recommend you apply for a separate Special Ability in an application (Could be anywhere from D to C-rank, really). The main concern I have right now is the speed at which the intended infection is supposed to take place. Normally an infection would take quite a bit of time, how long are we looking at with this timeframe?

 

Does this have any of the actual effects associated with a Komodo Dragon's bite?

 

 

Bites on human digits by a lace monitor (V. varius), a Komodo dragon, and a spotted tree monitor (V. scalaris) all produced similar effects: rapid swelling, localized disruption of blood clotting, and shooting pain up to the elbow, with some symptoms lasting for several hours.

 

In 2009, the same researchers published further evidence demonstrating that Komodo dragons possess a venomous bite. MRI scans of a preserved skull showed the presence of two venom glands in the lower jaw. They extracted one of these glands from the head of a terminally ill specimen in the Singapore Zoological Gardens, and found that it secreted a venom containing several different toxic proteins. The known functions of these proteins include inhibition of blood clotting, lowering of blood pressure, muscle paralysis, and the induction of hypothermia, leading to shock and loss of consciousness in envenomated prey.[/Quote]

 

 

I'm concerned about what you're attempting to get with the bacteria thing. I highly recommend making it a special ability. As a stand-alone strength, you aren't looking at much... And truth be told, I'm unsure if causing infections through a method like this should be allowed (similar to how we don't allow fatal poisons, it may be a touchy subject)...

 

If you'd like, I can help you with making this a Special Ability if you're unsure how that would work?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That would be good. I'm not sure how to proceed with applying for a special ability.

As to the timeframe of infection, it would vary from case to case. The strains were to be normal, hence the increased amount only increases chances, not severity. For anything else, I figure it would just behave like any other infection.

Most of my research was actually on human bites, rather than monitor lizards. The Komodo thing is just a theme.

Edited by Raiten

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The bacteria thing can't really have any battle applications, so it save everyone trouble and getting this approved quicker to just remove it and apply it later as an ability like what Garz said. I think thats the only real issue that is slowing this down.

 

Also, the main weapon, could you describe it a bit more as to what it is outside of providing the link? Since without that link, its hard to envision what it looks like.

Edited by Kambei Shimata

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Done and done. Removed the bacterial stuff, until I can app it as a special ability, and inserted a picture of Tekagi Shuko for reference.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just one last thing - You don't seem to have an open slot for said special ability. Special abilities aren't slotless, so you may want to keep a C-rank slot open. That said, you're a Taijutsu Specialist, so you can get +1 C-rank slot through that which I don't think was noted.

 

Also, Taijutsu Specialists under current rules get +1 tiers to add to any physical strength they want (Meaning you could bump one of your "Good" strengths to "Very Good".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bumped up strength to very good, removed a C rank jutsu for an open slot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Genin >> 6 Jutsu: [3 E/D + 2 C + 1 B][/Quote]

 

^ This is the default amount of slots a Genin possesses, which you currently have

 

Under current rules, a Specialist can get a +1 C-rank slot, which I recommend for your situation (Also, you might want to leave a slot or two open so you can apply for custom jutsu, but eh). Here's a link to the Fighting Type Rules. Quoting relevant part:

 

- Gains 3 additional D ranked slots for taijutsu. These slots are gained one by one. One at Genin, one at Chuunin, and the last at Jounin. Alternatively, they may choose to take a C ranked slot at genin instead of these D ranked slots.[/Quote]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Got it. So as a tai specialist, I can have three C slots (Or six D ones, if I so chose). I'll leave two open. Done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Oh, right, I forgot to respond about the earlier comment.

 

For Special Abilities, check out the Custom Jutsu Template. You apply for a Special Ability under the normal template found in Post #2 (Read the first post to know a few things about the Guidelines). Under "Type", instead of Nin/Tai/Gen, you just put "Special Ability" in its place.

 

Just a word of advice - It may be better to make up a fantasy effect instead of using IRL bacterial infections.. Or, if you do use something like that, spell out exactly what it does and how it effects somebody else.

 

Also...

 

Got it. So as a tai specialist, I can have three C slots (Or six D ones, if I so chose). I'll leave two open. Done.

 

The 3 E/D-ranks are distributed from Genin to Jounin, so at Genin you get 1 E/D, Chuunin you get 2 E/D, and Jounin you get the final E/D. Or, instead, you may choose 1 C-rank (which is what you're doing now). Just pointing it out, in case you were confused.

 

 

approvedstamp1.png

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just me be curious, but are any of those jutsu you listed customs? If so, can there be a link to them?

 

Other than that, it's good. :)

 

1/3 Stamp

 

Ha, mine is bigger than yours. ;]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...