[This is a brand new newspaper written by me and supported by top mods for the enjoyment of the plebs - Its read only so don't reply here or Slayze will be forced to do some actual forum work. He hates forum work!]
ISSUE NUMBER JUAN!
Many of you think raiding is fun, many of you think raiding is great, but what you have failed to realize is that raiding hurts people's feelings. Raiding destroys people's families, livestock and property. This fact has given birth to this newspaper. Every issue shall report on the worst criminals of Seichi and their crimes.
Jimbob is a kind and gentle farmer from Shroud who has had his entire farm destroyed by two criminal scum known as Akum and Cedric. The farm couldn't really grow anything due to all the soil around Shroud being full of salt but gosh darn it, Jimbob gave it his best shot. Now reports from other ninjas claim that Akum and Cedric hate each other, nobody knows why. They carried this hatred of each other to poor Jimbob's farm where they threw chickens at each other, tipped cows onto each other, and even used profanity.
For this cruelty Akum and Cedric have received bounties of 200 ryo!
There are disturbing reports that the 3 super cute sisters from Samui are having some serious family troubles. The youngest and kindest sister Yukine was seen pleading with her sisters not to go out and raid. Sasaki didn't listen to her and went out killing multiple innocent ninjas across all of Seichi. Hinata hugged Yukine and said she wasn't going to raid... she was just going to Konoki to pet some cats. But this was a lie, Hinata murdered 3 innocent Konokian boys who were just trying to roleplay for the first time. When I caught up with Yukine near the Titus statue in Samui, she told me that she doesn't know what to do, she said that Sasaki is so far gone there were 3 Pana avatars hidden in her sock drawer. That is super serious.
The bodycount caused by Sasaki gave her a massive bounty of 1000 ryo!
Hinata's was only 300!
[Terror on Samui Street!]
Many ninjas will tell you horror stories of an absolutely suicidal terrorist ninja named Angula2. He has over 5400 defeats but he isn't even slightly fazed... apart from losing an arm and a leg that is. Brain experts say that Angula2 doesn't have one. He cannot process basic commands like "please no!" or "spare my children please!". It is like he is possessed by an ancient try-hard spirit to keep raiding even when half his body is irreparably destroyed. Authorities have asked people to stuff scented candles into their pants, it seems to be the only thing that works because this one time Angula2 spared a thief who had his pants stuffed with stolen scented candles... everyone else in the store was in multiple pieces.
For this Angula2 has received 1200 ryo bounty!
Kendo/Stick tried raiding because he thought it was cool but he got captured by a bird and is now a part of a birds-nest. Many ninjas gather around the tree to pee and laugh at poor Kendo who is stuck up there. Birds are really good at building sturdy structures, I mean honestly how do they do it with their super tiny brains! Its frickin' amazing.
For this Kendo/Stick has received a negative bounty because he created a popular tourist spot. -1000 ryo!
1. Angula2 1200
2. SasakiAlGhoul 1000
3. Hinata_OX 300
4a. Akum 200
4b. Cedric 200
5. Kendo/Stick -1000
- Slayze, takuyadrini, arunmani2 and 15 others like this