PDA

View Full Version : [Hyouga] Blazestorm, Ako (Chuunin Rank-up)


Blazestorm
24-07-2008, 18:35
Name: Blazestorm, Ako

Age: 16

Gender: Male

Height: 5’8”

Weight: 139 lbs

Appearance:
- Head: Everything on Ako’s head is what people would consider normal. His head itself is an oval shape and is a norm7al shape. His ears are normal shaped and sized with the earlobes unattached. His nose is also normal. His eyes are brown and almond shaped. His hair flows from his forehead to the back of his neck. His face is calm, cool, and collected.
- Body: Ako has an athletic body that is a light white skin tone. His arms are weak in comparison to his legs, and in general, which are quite strong and allow him to move quickly. His body has a well-built tone to it, lines created by muscles being most prominent in his middle to lower body. Though one needs to remember he is only 13 years old and has not gone through puberty yet, which means he is not at his prime just yet.
- Fingers/Toes: His fingers and toes are just like everything else in his body, of medium length and size. His nails are trimmed and don’t have any polish or anything on them.
- Scars/Tattoos: He has a dragon tattoo that is displayed on his right arm. It is small and purely black in design. It symbolizes his connection with the Yoikatsu, and his own dark personality.
- Clothes: Ako usually wears a dark black trench coat that he keeps buttoned up until the time to fight has come. It has two pockets, one on each side located near the lower stomach, in which he usually keeps his hands inside of. Underneath the coat he wears a tight dark black shirt. It is sleeveless to allow Ako to move in all angles. However, it also means that when he fights, he could get sunburn. As for his headband, Ako wears it on his forehead, using a black piece of cloth to tie it around his head. Ako also has a necklace with a coin on the end of it he keeps around his neck and tucked inside of his shirt. It is part of his affliation with the Yoikatsu. He also wears Oakley M Frame Sunglasses (http://www.dvinfo.net/red/images/mframe.jpg).

He wears black martial arts pants that have 2 pockets, one on each side. Using a belt to help keep the pants up, he also hoists pouches on each side of his body that hold 5 kunai and 15 shuriken each. Behind each of the pouches on the side of his body, Ako has a spool of wire holding 50 yards of metal wire. Inside of his pockets are 5 explosive tags, and 1 soldier pill each.

All of his clothes are designed to not reflect light. This allows Ako to hide in the shadows, or at night. They are also designed to not get in the way of Ako’s movements. The clothes themselves also have an under armor like capability, keeping Ako not too hot, and not too cold.

Personality: Ako has developed into a more social kind of person. Able to talk casually, he is always aware of his surroundings. He usually sticks to himself, but ever since the onset of puberty, Ako has become increasingly more interested in the women who walk by. Ako tends to approach women confidently, though he may succeed in the hook up, his relationships tend not to last long, his own mentality of looking out for himself only driving girls away. (Yeah I took a stab at that... but girls tend to hate selfish guys so...)

Level/Rank: Chuunin

Village: Glacier [Hyouga]

Language: Common, Hyougaan, and Sati (normal Hyougaan accent for all)

Main/Favored Weapon: 100 yards of steel wire

Side Arms: Ako likes to use mostly standard ninja weapons when he fights. Kunai, shuriken, wires, and exploding tags are the weapons he uses the most.
He has in total:
- 10 kunai
- 30 shuriken
- 10 explosive tags
- 2 soldier pills

Element: Katon (Fire) Doton (Earth)

Fighting Type: Ninjutsu, Taijutsu

Fighting Style: Ako uses the Muay Thai fighting style. He uses his legs to help inflict damage most often and uses his hands and arms to help him defend himself. He is not afraid to do spinning kicks or use his elbows and knees. These are great striking points after all.

Physical Strengths:
- Agility: Ako is extremely agile for a chuunin.
- Speed: Ako is very fast for a chuunin.
- Eyesight: Ako has good eyesight. This allows him to actually see things that are moving quickly as opposed to just a blur. Minute details are impossible to pick out unless they are moving particularly slow
- Chakra Capacity: Ako has a large chakra capacity for a chuunin.

Mental Strengths:
- Emotional Control: Ako rarely ever shows his true feelings about something, especially if he is in the middle of a battle. This allows him to remain calm most, if not all, of the time.
- Quick reactions: Ako has the ability to quickly react to things that enter his field of vision and would be threats. Of course, whether or not he can actually dodge it depends on how close the object already is and how fast it is moving.
- Trust: Ako does not trust anybody. Absolutely nobody in his life is given any amount of trust. This makes him a very hard person to deceive.
- Pain Tolerance: Ako uses his mental toughness to ignore the pain in his body. He is good at doing this.


Physical Weaknesses:
- Stamina: Ako is a sprinter not a long distance runner. He has horrible endurance for a chuunin and therefore his Taijutsu prowess can not be used as much.
- Immune System: Ako's immune system is very weak, causing poisons to last three times as long.
- Upper Body Strength: Ako has little upper body strength, resulting in his punches being less powerful his throwing range to be lower.
- Eyesight: His good eyesight requires the use of sunglasses to be worn for most of the day. The sunglasses cause his eyes to lose the ability to see any kind of detail. All he sees with the sunglasses on are colorful shapes. He is able to take his sunglasses off for 10 minutes (3 posts) barring any kind of extra bright light being created. Such sources include but aren't limited to an explosion, flash bombs, or the sun on a particularly sunny day. May take off only once per thread.

Mental Weaknesses:
- Emotional Control: His ability to control his emotions gives other people the impression that he is a cold and emotionless person.
- Tolerance: Ako can not tolerate anybody who messes things up or does not act to what he thinks a ninja is supposed to be. This causes him to underestimate such people in battles, or cause his teammates to perform worse because he was mocking them.
- Superiority Complex: Due to Ako's upbringing as a shinobi, Ako believes he is one of the very best chuunin out there. Though Ako is indeed very good, he will tend to underestimate his opponents because he believes he is the better one there. Of course this is nullified out when facing those of a higher rank.
- Bad at Genjutsu: Ako has never been very good with genjutsu, resulting in Genjutsu to last +1 more posts than usual.

Jutsus: [11/13]
Basic
- Bunshin
- Henge
- Kawarimi
- Kinobori
- Suimen Hokou no Gyou
- Genjutsu Kai
- Nawanuke
Advanced
- Harigane Gappei [Meld Wire/Wire Fusion] D
- Souharigane no Jutsu [Wire Manipulation Technique]D
- Katon Wire C
- Ho Bunshin no Jutsu [Fire Clone Technique] C
- Katon: Housenka no Jutsu [Fire Release: Mythical Fire Flower] C
- Doton: Dochu Eigyo no Jutsu [Earth Release: Underground Projection Lure] C
- Doton: Retsudotensho [Earth Release: Split Earth Turn Around Palm] B
- Katon: Enkou Tou B
- Katon: Maruchi Dangen (http://www.theninja-forum.com/Vbulletin/showpost.php?p=645818&postcount=1) B
- Doton Sekimori [Earth Barrier Keeper] B
- Tsuiraku Kawa [Crashing River] B
- *reserved* A
- *reserved*

Background:
Born into a high ranking shinobi family, Ako has had a great opportunity to make himself into an excellent shinobi. In a village surrounded by ice, using fire seems like an insane plan, however, his family has mastered using fire and their Katon techniques are some of the most powerful in the land. This is Ako’s heritage, his bloodline, his reason to exist. To become the strongest Katon user his family, or the world, has ever seen. In such a family, great is normal, but to be the best, that is something to be sought after. This is what Ako wants, above all other things.

As early as he could walk, his family had put him into training. Quickness, chakra capacity, and some mind training occupied much of his day. Everyone in his family was a ninja warrior, fearless, strong, and unbreakable. This would also be Ako’s destiny. When he was able to learn things, his family taught him how to form his hand seals, how to fight, how to think and analyze situations. He was taught his ninjutsu at the age of 4, and has been practicing them ever since. This makes his basic ninjutsu very good, and his Wire Manipulation jutsu allows him to manipulate wires all sorts of ways. This has provided Ako with a strong background to become a shinobi with.

Just because his family was made of warriors, they also realized that you must also learn to be able to work with other people. It is the reason why squads are made of 4 people, instead of just sending people solo. Teams are stronger when they work together. To this end, they left some time in his day to play with the other children. Ako learned the lesson his parents wanted him to learn very well. That was to be able to cooperate with other people, but stay detached from them… mostly. Having teammates will allow you to complete the mission easier after all.

Entering the academy at age 7, Ako was among the best students in the class, if not the best. His chakra control wasn’t perfect, but he had a large chakra capacity to work with. He wasn’t the smartest either, but he could think and analyze situations very well. He would then use his strong ninjutsu and taijutsu to beat his opponents. Ako, while not being the best chakra controller, or the smartest, was usually the calmest, and possibly the best overall. He used these advantages over the other academy students to do well as a shinobi. But he knew he had a long way to go. Compared with the other shinobi in the world, he was still pathetic. It would take a long time and a lot of work to become the best, but he would make it through, and he would become the strongest one day. So that everybody looked up to him, and saw him as the greatest Katon user, the world has ever seen, or will see, for a very long time.

Life at home was full of study, training, and of course, hanging out with friends and playing Ninja. Though he had not yet realized it, playing Ninja with his so called friends would help all of them to be ready for the tasks that a real ninja must be ready for. Things such as fighting, developing teamwork, and being stealthy were a must for real ninja. He also had an older brother. His name was Ryu, and at age 14, was already a chuunin. This was another source of inspiration for Ako. After all, he could not let his older brother get away with being the best in the family. So one day, one day Ako would show him what he was made of. He would surpass Ryu, and show him that he was a better dragon, and Ryu, should be his name.

In his years as an academy student, Ako has learned many things. He has been in many fights, including large fights, giving him some experience to help him with such fights that are sure to happen in the future. Ako has also experienced death happening nearby him. He handled that pretty well, and it has only increased his emotional control.

It has been four years since he first entered the academy, and now, Ako was a fully fledged ninja. He was only a genin, but that is the first official shinobi rank. Ako has now changed his appearance to better suit his needs. He had undergone rigorous training to improve himself and it had paid off. He was now faster, more agile, and stronger. Ako thought that maybe he should train some more so he could get even stronger. It was a lot of work however, he had only gotten through it because he was disciplined and highly determined.

As a new genin, Ako has already began training for being a chuunin. He realizes it will take even more work, but in the end, it shall all be worth it, he would be one step closer to becoming a powerful and respected shinobi. Ako is learning his new jutsu as quickly as he can, allowing his learning capability to allow him to progress faster. He quickly comes to understand the ins and outs of his new jutsu, and uses them to the best of his ability.

Ako, as a genin, has now been incorporated into the ranks of the Yoikatsu, an elite organization that hunt down missin-nin. He is proud to be the only genin in their ranks so far, and is highly appreciative of the training he has been getting as a result. It makes him feel like he is that much better at being a ninja. Also, his sensei, the one who taught him the basics, has gone missin-nin. Ako wants to kill her. It is such a disgrace to him, along with that other missing-nin girl. Luna was her name. He would remember, Luna and Semi. They are marked for death.

Once again, Ako has ranked up and is now a chuunin. Just like his genin self, he has already started his next level of training. He plans to specialize in the killing arts. Perhaps he can even get into a high position in the ANBU ranks… before attaining his goal of kage.

Sample Post:
As he expected, Ako's kunai was halted by Kazuya's sword. As the chuunin counterattacked, Ako did a quick hop over the sword, throwing his arm out, the one with the kunai, in an attempt to slash Kazuya. It didn't work however, because he had jumped away.

Now, Ako had a chance to witness some of the power available in the katana Kazuya wield. The blade had turned white after Kazuya said something and created an arc in the air from its glow. That was merely a distraction. The real danger was the cutting winds being sent from the blade towards Ako.

I really need some defensive jutsu... thought Ako as he created his handsign. Just as the wind had reached his body, Ako kawarimied away. He reappeared behind Kazuya, a small distance away from where he stood.

"Impressive"

forumgirl
25-07-2008, 02:47
tOnly three things, no sample post... and speed and agility are listed under quickness. The last thing is that because of the second part mentioned, goods outweigh bads. Not sure if you trained though, if you did it should be fine.

Inuyasha
25-07-2008, 03:03
tOnly three things, no sample post... and speed and agility are listed under quickness. The last thing is that because of the second part mentioned, goods outweigh bads. Not sure if you trained though, if you did it should be fine.

I believe she means to say, "add a sample post" "you have two strengths listed as one. This is a no-no." "you have more strengths than weaknesses now, with you having two strengths more than you originally had in your tally"
Or something like that.


Now, for my own annalyisis:
At this point in your RPC's life, they should have some sort of preferred weapon. I mean, for god's sake. You're a chuunin, and you still have no favored weapon? you use everything just as much or not at all? I find this hard to believe. Favored weapon doesn't mean it has to be special/customized, or the one you use almost all the time. Its just the weapon you use more than your others by any margin.

you also have 4 mental strengths, and only 3 mental weaknesses. Add one.

Also:
get rid of that nickname!

Afro's RPC is also using that. And he has it first, and has/had an actual reason behind it: His character is black and had a dragon sealed in him kyuubi-style. he removed it a while back however. Still, the nickname would still apply.

Blazestorm
25-07-2008, 07:12
"quickness" strength seperated even though its one of my genin strengths...

S/W are now balanced

and I put in a favored weapon... and my sample post... though you would think in a CHUUNIN rank up you wouldn't need a sample post... seriously now

Inuyasha
25-07-2008, 07:29
"quickness" strength seperated even though its one of my genin strengths...

S/W are now balanced

and I put in a favored weapon... and my sample post... though you would think in a CHUUNIN rank up you wouldn't need a sample post... seriously now

well, rules and standards change, which is the point of the resubmission process. Case and point being how you got accepted with "quickness" as a strength which had 2 strengths inside it also, but now that isn't allowed.

anyways. You have an 'extremely' strength and a 'incredibly'[please change to extremely, as incredibly isn't one of the strenght/weakness 'level' terms] strength. So, you need to have 2 'horrible' weaknesses to balance these.

and sample posts are always needed.

I've been around the site for 4 years. I always end up submitting a sample post. Just the way things are.

Shizuka
25-07-2008, 12:38
Age: 13
- 13? Wouldn't some ageing be a good thing? Just asking cos... well a 13 year old won't have much of a romantic life etc etc, so you kinda cut away a large part of your RP area.

Language: Common, Hyougaan, and Sati
- Add degree of accent to all these.

Main/Favored Weapon: Wires
- Length, type etc? Or is it one once in your Side arms?

Side Arms: Ako likes to use mostly standard ninja weapons when he fights. Kunai, shuriken, wires, and exploding tags are the weapons he uses the most.
He has in total:
- 10 kunai
- 30 shuriken
- 10 explosive tags
- 100 yards of metal wire
- What metal?
- 2 soldier pills

Physical Strengths:
- Agility: Ako is extremely agile for a chuunin.
- Speed: Ako is incredibly fast for a chuunin.
- Eyesight: Ako has great eyesight, which allows him to see things that are moving quickly as if they are standing still, or pick out minute details.
- If his eyesight is that good it's basicly a Sharingan. TONE DOWN! A LOT!
- Chakra Capacity: Ako has a large chakra capacity for chuunin.

Mental Strengths:
- Emotional Control: Ako rarely ever shows his true feelings about something, especially if he is in the middle of a battle. This allows him to remain calm most, if not all, of the time
- Thinking ability: He is able to think and analyze situations rapidly; this allows him to come up with a fighting plan quickly and accurately.
- Jutsu Knowledge: Ako has read up on all the jutsu that are commonly used, allowing him to know what jutsu’s are being used based on the combination of hand seals used. Only one’s he does not know about are custom jutsu, unless he has seen them before and is able to work out what they do and how they are done. He can usually do this.
- Your aiming for a Kakashi alike nee?...

Physical Weaknesses:
- Sensitive skin: His skin is easily bruised and can therefore cause him much more pain then normal. Swelling, and rather large bruises can occur should he get hit. He is also susceptible to sunburn and it's pretty much the reason why he wears a trench coat. Jutsu cast by him do not affect his skin.
- Ummm? Kinda a half weakness, he get bruises easily? So what? I recommend making it endurance.
- Smell: Due to a training accident in Ako's youth, Ako has a weak sense of smell. Though he could avoid stink bombs, Ako often will not be able to identify an airborne poison through smell unless it has an unusually strong scent.
- Not really a proper weakness. If you could smell the airborn poison normaly you'll be dead mate.
- Upper Body Strength: Ako has little upper body strength, resulting in his punches to be less powerful than they could be, and his throwing range to be lower.
- Eyesight: Ako’s great eyesight also makes him sensitive to bright lights, requiring him to wear sunglasses to protect his eyesight. He is able to take them off for 10 minutes at a time, baring any sources of bright light being created.
- What about the sun on a bright day? Would that count as bright light?
- You have three extreme, incedable or great stengths. You'll need to balance these as your weaknesses are nowhere near balancing it out.

Mental Weaknesses:
- Emotional Control: His ability to control his emotions gives other people the impression that he is a cold and emotionless person.
- Trust: Ako does not trust anybody. Even if you were to somehow manage gaining "friend" status in Ako's eyes, he would not trust you. The only thing he really does trust is his own skill and ability. This also makes Ako a very hard person to deceive.
- This is more of a strength then a weakness tbh.
- Tolerance: Ako can not tolerate anybody who messes things up or does not act to what he thinks a ninja is supposed to be. This causes him to underestimate such people in battles, or cause his teammates to perform worse because he was mocking them.
- Superiority Complex: Due to Ako's upbringing as a shinobi, Ako believes he is one of the very best chuunin out there. Though Ako is indeed very good, he will tend to underestimate his opponents because he believes he is the better one there. Of course this is nullified out when facing those of a higher rank.


Comments in purple. Will need some work, but we'll get there XD

Blazestorm
28-07-2008, 00:38
I'll think about his age a little. I might age him a year or 2 I guess...

The wires are the same ones as in his side arms. Next edit I'll move it up to the main weapon if you want me to. But I have a question, what kind of metals can I use? I'm guessing things like carbon fiber, titanium, tungsten, and iridium are out of the question huh?

edited everything else

Nekomata Kayangelus
28-07-2008, 00:41
If you want carbon fiber, you are going to have to realize that it isn't a metal first. Than you should probably go and make it as a custom weapon. Note that when I tried to make it a custom weapon for my Genin, I was told that I had to add in a weakness, because carbon fiber wire with no special abilities except what the material provides = hax.

Blazestorm
28-07-2008, 14:11
I know carbon fiber isn't a metal... oh well, I'll just put steel as the metal and add in a custom weapon later. I want to get the CD approved first.

Shizuka
30-07-2008, 22:45
Physical Weaknesses:
- Endurance: Ako is a sprinter not a long distance runner. He has horrible endurance for a chuunin and therefore his Taijutsu prowess can not be used as much.
- Endurance is how many blows you can take. Not how long you can run etc, that is Stamina.
- Smell: Due to a training accident in Ako's youth, Ako has a weak sense of smell. Though he could avoid stink bombs, Ako often will not be able to identify an airborne poison through smell unless it has an unusually strong scent.
- Upper Body Strength: Ako has little upper body strength, resulting in his punches being less powerful his throwing range to be lower.
- Eyesight: Ako’s good eyesight also makes him sensitive to bright lights, requiring him to wear sunglasses to protect his eyesight, outdoors and even indoors at times. He is able to take them off for 10 minutes at a time. This comes at a risk though, because should any sources of bright light be created, Ako could be temporarily blinded. Such sources include, but are not limited to, explosions, the sun on a bright day, and powerful fire attacks.

Also you still have 2 "fake" weaknesses. The smell which don't really affect anyone much, and the eyesight which can be fixed by wearing sunglasses. Also your strength are extreme, very and large. And I don't feel these weaknesses even them out. Please fix that.

Also:
- Trust: Ako does not trust anybody. Even if you were to somehow manage gaining "friend" status in Ako's eyes, he would not trust you. The only thing he really does trust is his own skill and ability. This also makes Ako a very hard person to deceive.

As said this is a Stength. After all it makes him harder to decive, which is good.

Blazestorm
31-07-2008, 04:01
provided a better explanation for the eyesight weakness.

horrible is the opposite of extreme. and since its stamina it really covers the two strengths that Ako has. too much movement and Ako becomes too tired to do much. as far as I know... agility and speed require movement

smell is really the throw away weakness, but I do have a point in the weakness so pay attention to it. nobody says their poisons don't have an odor and not every poison is odorless so...

little is the opposite large (a lot of chakra)

oh and I modified the mental S/W

what you think?

Shizuka
31-07-2008, 12:32
provided a better explanation for the eyesight weakness.
- How long must he wait between each time he remove the sunglasses? Else he could just take em on/off all the time. Besides that I guess it's ok though.[/COLOR]

horrible is the opposite of extreme. and since its stamina it really covers the two strengths that Ako has. too much movement and Ako becomes too tired to do much. as far as I know... agility and speed require movement
- One weakness can never balance two strengths unless its a high degree weakness and low degree strength. (Aka Horrible stamina = Good agility and speed)

smell is really the throw away weakness, but I do have a point in the weakness so pay attention to it. nobody says their poisons don't have an odor and not every poison is odorless so...
- I am not saying you can't have this weakness. I am just saying it doesn't count for much. As for the point I did pay attention to it, if you read my first comment properly. I'll explain again on the poison part. If it's an airborn poisen and you can smell it that means the particles has been inhaled, which mean your already affected. In other word, it's useless. If it's a poison on some food etc I guess you could smell it but the chance of this is what? Next to zero. And as the human nose can't be used for things like tracking etc anyhow (Unless you have smelling as a strength) this weakness it pretty much fake.


Basicly all I want to see is the addition of one more weakness to balance out the very good speed and I think the low strength should apply for his whole body. Basicly if the strength is to balance the eyesight it should also affect his kicks.

Blazestorm
02-08-2008, 13:31
I changed the smell weakness. Though most airborne poisons aren't exactly strong, meaning if you hold your breathe you can avoid the worst effects of it.

you kinda need strong legs to be able to propel your body at high speeds. So I contest about your last statement. Besides, the eyesight strength is balanced by the eyesight weakness.

*waits...*

Nekomata Kayangelus
03-08-2008, 17:05
1. All of his clothes and weapons are designed to not reflect light or be seen easily.

This would make all of your weapons custom weapons. I'm quite certain you can't have that many custom weapons. Plus you would need to describe what a kunai that can't be seen easily looks like. Kunai are big, heavy pieces of metal. A visually impaired person could see them. How is it that it is hard for a shinobi to see them?

2. For phys stats/weaknesses, I will assume the following pairs as trying to balance one another:
Agility - Stamina ; Speed - Immune System ; Eyesight - Eyesight ; Chakra Capacity - Strength

- Immune System: Ako's immune system is rather weak, causing poisons to last longer. (+1 Post)

This is a below average weakness. (bad immune system would be 2x longer, and very bad would be 3x longer. Yes, that many times, not plus that many posts.).

3. You aren't making an AS. You need 4 mental weaknesses

Blazestorm
03-08-2008, 17:59
finished editting. thanks for your help Neko and Shizuka. =)

AdamZero
03-08-2008, 18:42
This is just my opinion, but really his trust (or lack there off) is a double edged sword. Yes it does make him hard to decieve, BUT wouldn't it also make it difficult for him to put his faith in people? Making teamwork difficult for him? The sort of thing like planning for your teammates to screw up.

Just a thought but as I said, not having trust is a bad thing too. Even for a ninja.

Nekomata Kayangelus
03-08-2008, 19:19
And I see you edited it at last.

Time for approval. (since trust is a mental strength, even if it is a double edge, doesn't need to be mentioned, just RPed).